To The Beautiful Soul, Hong Seunghan

This year marks my 16 year being in Kpop. From the humble downloading music videos and songs, to finally able attending concerts and buying merch. It has been a long 16 years since I was introduced into Kpop. I have passed a lot of scandals, member departures, and so on and so forth. But nothing hits bad like this one.

I remember the first time I cried so badly was when Jonghyun passed away back in 2017. It hurts me so deep and I cried all day of losing that beautiful soul. I never knew the member of the first group I stanned chose to end his own life. The second time I cried so bad when Sungjin was diagnosed of having a mental health issue then took a hiatus. Sungjin was never really online back in the days, the hiatus added more lack of content than he actually was. Then he suddenly appeared out of nowhere on his way to his military camp. There I cried a river again. Although I am glad that he's back with so much improvement on every aspects.

When Jae decided to leave DAY6 and JYP Entertainment, I didn't cry. I felt a sense of relief because he chose his own way, he left on his own accord. He left because he doesn't feel aligned with the company and the culture, which I thought it was a good thing to finally see him has his own freedom. Only to found out that the more I see him, the more I discovered that he's longing for freedom because he is the person who can't be disciplined. He has problem with his attitude and he painted himself as "the victim of the culture" when he's not. He's just the selfish, self-centered, and immature guy wanted to do everything as he pleased. Therefore he doesn't resonate with the company's rule and policy. But again, I felt relieved because we don't need such a selfish guy damaging the group reputation. Moreover, DAY6 struggled a lot back then.

This year, last night was the first heart-broken event for me since the last 16 years. This is the first member departure experience that put me in denial. Seunghan decided to leave the group, RIIZE, on his own accord just because he doesn't want to damage the band reputation. Which he actually did nothing wrong unlike Jae. Jae clearly damaged the group reputation in bad way. While Seunghan? He only dated and enjoyed his youth, that also happened when he hasn't debuted yet! While Jae clearly brought damages when the team needed him the most.

I had my fair share of defending Jae and threw shades for the company. Eventually I woke up and realise that everything he did back in 2020-2021 really didn't sit right with me. It was nice having him departing from the group. And look at DAY6 now! We've never been this content and happy before!

While Seunghan? He tried for the past 10 months to redeem on his past mistakes which actually never make any sense he had to apologise at the first place. All of those things happened in the past before he debuted with RIIZE. During his hiatus, he's keeping it low-key and just enjoyed his normal life. He didn't do anything that is damaging the group. When he started to return, people bashing him that bad. He did nothing wrong but still working hard to be part of the group. He did his best. He didn't make any bad remarks that throw the remaining members under the bus. His absence is also part of the company's mistakes, he didn't work for 10 months because company also asked him to do so. He's being erased from the group. Then why? When he announced his return everyone gaslight him because RIIZE might secure the end-of-year award? I can't comprehend.

I had sleep deprived thinking about how Seunghan must feel that he's being rejected by the fans to the point he was sent death wreaths. I can't imagine how he feels when receiving so much hate just because he's dating in the past. IT HAPPENED IN THE PAST! BEFORE HE DEBUTED! My head hurts, my heart hurts even more. Even I couldn't imagine that the decision that has been carefully made for the past 10 months through repeated process of agreement and disagreement between the company and the members gone just like that.

What hurts me more is the fact that nobody protect Seunghan, inside the company. Nobody on Seunghan's side to clear up his name. The company has been so silent for the past 10 months and busy erasing his presence and hard work. I have spent days re-watching RIIZE old content because I miss him that bad. When hearing he's going to return, I am beyond grateful. Knowing all the members also chose him to stay, I am so grateful. But those happiness only last two days. It switched to rage, sadness, and disappointment over night.

I am writing this because I don't know what to do. I love Seunghan, I love RIIZE that much, I love them being 7-members group. Seunghan is not even my ultimate bias but I don't want to lose him. But knowing how toxic the company and the fandom, I have to let go of him. This is for Seunghan's sake. If he stays, I don't know how much amount of hate and mental damage he will receive. But at the same time, it really saddened me to keep going with only 6 members. I love the remaining 6 members, they are beautiful soul too. It just hurts witnessing how incompetent the company handled this matter. How unfair it is for Seunghan to be treated this way.

I don't even know how to release this negative energy and emotions. Though I released it, it may not change the situation. Seunghan will still be departed from the group, RIIZE will now only consist of 6 members, and everyone will pretend like nothing happened. I don't know if I have the strength to keep supporting RIIZE in this situation. I love them so much that I don't want them to be sad or let them go. But this whole situation has changed me. I no longer have hopes Seunghan will return at all.

I have a pre-cognition that this event is bound to happen. I just refuse to believe that my happiness is being crushed over night. Why announce Seunghan's return if at the end of the day the company is surrendering to those bullies? What kind of company so incompetent in protecting their artist? Shame on you SM, shame on you.

To Seunghan, the beautiful soul. I really wish you nothing but happiness, healthiness, and I hope you can do well in anything you choose later on. Please live a good life and always be happy, Seunghan. There are a lot more people who love you. I love you. In another world, in another time, you'll be the RIIZE member. In another universe, RIIZE is 7. And you were one of the member that remain in our beautiful memory.