Listen.

The older I get, the more I realise that we need to listen more. There's this common phrase from where I lived, "We are blessed with two ears to help us listen more than speak more." It is indeed true. God blesses us with two ears and only one mouth, that can be interpreted for us to try understand more by listening to others rather than defending our own thoughts and opinion.

In the journey of self-reflection, I grew up speaking more until I started to listen to other people. Personally, compared to my old-self, I listen more nowadays. I love to listen to other's perspective and stories. I'd rather be the silent one in room to listen and observe rather than the one who shares stories. This is why when people asked me to tell stories, I said to them "My stories are boring." Sometimes I also wanted to be listened, but I don't think whenever I open my mouth people will pay attention. As I said, my stories are boring, I am not a good story teller either, and the way I communicate is confusing. Therefore, let me just sit in the corner and listen to your stories.

Being the person who used to talk into somebody who chooses to just listen made me realise that you don't just get older then automatically you will listen to others.

One case in my life and gave me unforgettable trauma is how my boss doesn't listen at all. He only listens to what his superior asked, ignoring the subordinates' suggestions and explanation. It is the embedded behaviour of him since I met him almost three years ago. Unfortunately, God made me face and deal with his bad traits again.

He's a leader but his ability to listen is below zero. Every time someone tried to explain, not even finished their sentence yet, this boss interrupts and then judge them so hard. I mean he didn't even try to be calm and listen to the whole story before giving harsh judgement. What kind of leader is that? Oh, I forgot,  he's a boos. A tyrant. Someone who doesn't even deserve an ounce of respect. To defend myself from the mental snap which brought me to the darkest pit like what happened a year ago, I chose not to listen to him anymore. He deserves that. He deserves to be ignored and not-respected because of his own behaviour. Don't blame me for that.

Hence, how you behave reflects on how someone else treats you.

I keep remember this phrase, "If you can't be useful for someone else, at least you don't be someone who made others felt hurt or taking advantage of them." Just be someone who won't bother anyone with your existence.

Another case of listening to others that never cease to amaze me: there's this person that is so self-centric so he only speaks about himself. It feels like the world only revolves around him. To be honest, that's sickening. Whenever I face him, indeed I listen to him. Second after that, I feel like my energy was drained. I am too exhausted to keep being around him and listen to whatever he said about himself. I wonder on how his girlfriend even has the energy to put up with this narcissist, self-loathing man?

Listening indeed an ability that may take years to learn. Even if I proclaimed myself as a listener, that doesn't mean me, myself is a good listener or not the annoying counterparts that speaks only about herself. I am still learning on listening well. I am still learning to try listen to most people, and not choosing to finally ignore them if I don't want to interact with them. However, at least I am proud of myself right now to listen more than speaks more. To understand more than judge more. Though I am still someone who is easily triggered and get emotional. I am trying to be a better person who don't speak only about themselves. I am also trying to listen to suggestions and feed back to grow better.

The point is not everyone posses exceptional listening ability. There are some people who don't and yes, they are annoying. But that doesn't define you. You define you and you choose what's better for yourself.