Tell me what should I do?

It’s been two years since the last time I made a confession to you, I suppose to be moving on, having fun with my life and eventually forget the feeling I have for you. But now look at me: I still love you.

No matter how much concerts I have been going, no matter how much I love this Kpop boys, no matter how far I have been traveling, all my energy still gravitates towards you. I had tried my best to avoid you too, but it’s so nice to get to talk to you.

I know exactly that you didn’t give me any opportunity at all and I have accepted the fact that you rejected me. Because it’s a fact that you aren’t interested in me. But why does my mind still thinking about you and expect that I may have a chance? When I know there’s no chance at all. A normal person should be forgetting you by now. It doesn’t apply to me.

These past years, I have been hesitating and restricting myself to show that I still love you openly. I don’t want to be a psychological burden to you nor I don’t want to beg you to reciprocate the feelings. I am keeping a good relationship because we started off in a good and polite manner. Behind those hesitation and restriction, deep down I know that I am still getting nervous whenever I contacted you. I am still worried if I get my hopes up. I should crush this hope down. Again, it’s a fact that I have been rejected.

It’s not like by saying this I can change the fact or change your mind. You do you and I’ll do me.

Maybe the only answer for what I’ve been feeling is time. I don’t know what will happen in the future, will I still love you? Or will I eventually give up? But I have to give up if you already have someone in your life tho, it has to happen!

You might wondering why did I become like this to you? Honestly I don’t have any answer either. What kind of thing that made me so in love with you when we only interact once or twice? To think about it in every sense, it doesn’t make any sense at all. Or did I just fall in love with the image of you that I had only in my mind? That might be the answer. So I don’t really fall in love with you?

Anyway, if you read this piece, I don’t know how to act in front of you. It feels like I am being too honest and that I am begging. I don’t want to beg tho. Just do what you usually do. If you change your mind, it’s good. If you give us opportunity to get to know each other, it’s also good. But that doesn’t guarantee that we will be compatible or eventually going together. I don’t expect that at all. What matter is for now I am still in love with you. How much I denied this feeling, yes, you’re still on the top of my mind.

to: the one that I couldn't get out of my mind