A Letter to Myself

Hey, happy birthday!

We've been doing this for 4-5 consecutive years by now. How are you feeling? Is everything getting better? I hope so. Today marked your final year in your twenties, how does it feel? We both think that nothing's changed since we're 22 and we stayed 22. At this point age is just a number is so relatable. The time feels not moving and we keep staying 22.

Your 20s is so valuable, you grew a lot in this phase. Started from questioning your own religion, your God. Finding out the truth and then you aren't just being dictated by the previous knowledge of religion blindly. You question, you understand, then you accept. In this phase, you accept that the world isn't just A and B or Black and White, there are grey area. There are things that needs to think through before you conclude the final decision and you learned it the hard way, the fact that we aren't supposed to jump into conclusion before gathering more and more evidence.

Thank you for surviving everything. Your life seemed to get better. You are healthier and you are now capable of handling your stress. I could see you're still spitting out your frustration but that's okay, at some point you can see something from other point of view too so you just choose to ignore them. Or let some things go because not everything you must do at that point. You now know how to sort your frustration not just your priority. You're still childish in some way but also mature on the other way around.

All I wanted to say to you is you have me to rely on. I know you're disappointed in the people you have trusted. I know you need someone to share your baggage. But no one ever really did that to you. At the end of the day, everyone only thought about themselves, even your closest ones. No one really there for you. All you have is me. All you need to do is to share your story with me. I might be the other side that help picked you up from the dark. I might be the one who fully listen and understand you. I might be the only one you fully trust. Because remember, no one ever did that.

No one ever gave you the comfort you seek. No one ever support you to keep standing tall and strong. No one ever listen to you sincerely. No one ever understand your position, circumstances, or how much you had to bear. That's only me. It feels like you stand alone against the world. It's okay. It's really okay, that's just how the world treat you. So you also had the right to ignore everyone. You also had the right to only care about you. Because nobody ever care about you unless me.

I hope you grow stronger and stronger everyday. I hope you can pass through more phase, even darker phase. You had outgrown yourself. You outgrown everyone in your way. I believe you can also do it again in your 30s. I believe you'll be more shining, shimmering, splendid in any way possible. Just keep going on. Keep holding onto yourself. Keep trusting yourself and don't trust anyone. Let's be happy and let's be strong. Remember, anytime you feel the pain I will be there to comfort you.

So much love and so much proud of you,

Your other self.